Brunch Invitations to a Galaxy Far Far Away
With the end of canon Extended Universe (known in the fandom as the EU) I wanted to take the time to point out some of my favorite characters from the EU that we should never forget. Which ladies from that galaxy far far away would I like to invite to Geek Girl Brunch? (the following will contain Spoilers)
Of course the number one lady on my list is the former Emperor’s Hand. Introduced to the EU by the great Timothy Zahn (you can thank him for a lot of the coolest stuff including Coruscant), Mara Jade is sarcastic, resourceful, unyielding and equally deadly with a lightsaber or blaster. The character was killed off eventually but since the EU has been disbanded and the fate of her killer (ok really old Spoiler alert – it’s Jacen Solo) is probably permanently non canonical, I’m going to pretend that didn’t happen. Ok?
Mara’s journey is probably the number one reason I am a Star Wars fan. She was a young force user trained as a secret assassin for the Emperor. Which is just bad ass. She spent her time going around doing the things Palpatine didn’t trust Vader to do or want him to know about. She was basically an evil secret agent. But does Mara regret that part of her life after she goes ‘light side’? Eh, probably not really. It’s who she was. She doesn’t apologize. She’s goes on to become a smuggler, a great Jedi Master in her own right, a mother and a wife. Some of those things might be contradictory but it never seemed to bother Mara. She is a great foil for the overly serious Luke. I preferred Luke and Mara’s relationship prior to their marriage but who am I to stand in the way of wedded bliss? (Yes Mara is the mother of Luke’s son, Ben. Shed another tear for the EU).
I predict that Mara would be awesome at brunch. She would order extra toast to share, claim dominion over all the pancakes, and probably tell some dirty jokes over mimosas.
Speaking of smugglers, I would definitely love to have Mirax out to brunch! Not only is she pals with Mara Jade and Wedge Antilles (swoon) she’s also married to another member of Rogue Squadron, the Jedi Corran Horn (himself a former CorSec member whose father was the one that arrested Mirax’s hilariously criminal father). Did I mention she’s headed up the vast smuggler network started by her father since she was a teen? That’s a lot of intrigue and family argument. I think that gives Mirax an amazing sense of humor. Important in a brunch guest! Plus the stories!
Mirax is also a great mechanic which came in handy for.. well… a lot of clandestine activities including learning the ins and outs of her father’s mobile smuggling platform Errant Venture. The Venture just happens to be a Star Destroyer painted bright red. Subtle. It’s the mid life crisis father mobile of the EU.
Mirax could pick us up and take us to a brunch place in a seedy part of town, where we can try imported foods on the cheap and drink bottomless screwdrivers!
Tenel Ka is a character that is so tied up in EU events and relationships that she probably has no chance of surviving the EU purge in another form. She’s the daughter of a Dathomiri Witch (they ride around on rancors. They’re cooler than you.) and a Hapan prince. When it’s found she has Force abilities she is sent to Luke Skywalker to train. She makes friends with the Solo twins and a host of other characters. I’ve loved her since she lost part of her arm in a lightsaber training accident thus upholding the proud Star Wars tradition of limb loss. (Her lightsaber hilt is a rancor tooth!) She refuses a prosthetic and instead learns to fight one handed.
Later on she becomes a ruler, has a secret baby with Jacen Solo and suffers many years of sadness and heartache when Jacen goes Sith. It’s a very long and complicated story that I’ve already stated we’re throwing out because it involves the death of Mara Jade. You get me? We’re ignoring it! That’s just how I live my life.
I think Tenel Ka would be a great brunch guest because of her weird sense of humor. She likes to tell jokes that no one understands or thinks are funny. I think her awkward humor would actually work really well here on Earth. She’s the Louis CK of the EU. Pain leads to humor. Plus I mean, if we get on her good side maybe she’ll let us all ride rancors.
Shalla and her sister are hand to hand combat experts. They were trained by their father and in turn became instructors themselves. Her sister, Vula, was an official instructor but Shalla just instructed people in life. By beating them senseless. Shalla claims she could beat a Wookiee in single combat. Could she? Probably.
Not only could she best a Wookiee, she has half an Executor Class Star Dreadnought painted on the side of her X-wing. Meaning that’s one of her kill credits. One half a Super Star Destroyer. (BTW the Executor class is the one you see Vader using in RotJ. The HUUUGE one. It’s 19 kilometers long.) Do YOU want to tell her she can’t come to brunch?
Shalla is deadly, with an X-wing OR her fists. She is a trained intelligence operative. What I’m saying is she is EU Bond. That means Shalla is taking us somewhere fancy. GET IN, LOSERS.
We will probably get a new, canon, daughter of Han and Leia courtesy of Star Wars VII but she will have to live up to the enormous badassery of Jaina Friggin Solo.
She’s done it all. Pilot in Rogue Squadron? Check. Jedi Knight (later Master) of limitless potential? Check. Got a scary nickname from the enemy? Check. Married the Imperial equivalent of the next generation’s hero? Check. Got training from Boba effin’ Fett? CHECK. Dark Side survivor? Check. Killed her brother because this is Star Wars and no one can ever be happy? cheeeck.
Jaina is complicated, difficult and diverse. I’ve both hated and loved her at various times and I think that means that I am (was?) really invested in that character and what happens to her. If anyone is the ‘Chosen One’ of the Skywalker-Solo clan it is Jaina Solo.
I think Jaina would be difficult to get to brunch but if we tried really hard eventually she would cave. Plus, this girl needs a break. She might not have a lot of time so we’ll have to go somewhere early that doesn’t have a huge wait. But I can see her drinking loads of coffee and talking our ears off about politics and philosophy and engines. She would be the best kind of brunch guest, the one vastly more interesting than anyone else at the table. She could enhance our knowledge about any topic imaginable. And of course, because she’s the most famous woman in the galaxy, maybe she’d pick up the bill?